Wednesday, 21 January 2015

From Script to Screen: Online Greenlight review


1 comment:

  1. OGR 22/01/2015

    Hi Kayliegh,

    Hmmm - I don't quite get the sense that you're really feeling the potential of this Loony Tunes-style knock-about farce between a fisherman and a fish! Your outline is very noncommittal, so in basic terms, yes, a structure like this will certainly work, but there's a lot here that's very vague. I know you came to things late, but this is an opportunity to be hugely imaginative and have fun, and I'm looking forward to getting a greater sense of that as you move things along.

    Firstly, just cut to the chase; your character is a fisherman, not a guy who sees a fish and is inspired to become one. Establish him as a fisherman from the very first scene; for example, have him (or it - it's an alien, remember?) sitting on the edge of the space-station, casting his hook into a nebula or, better still, into a debris field... (This is the 'Crab' nebula, for example)


    Everyone knows that fishermen are always after the most impressive fish, and that fishermen are competitive, so this bit of your story is done for you.

    It feels to me as if the action could and should take place in an around the space station, and if you have the debris field as the 'lake' in which interesting things are swimming, then it's from within this debris field that you can find all the other things you need for your story - so the dynamite for instance.

    You should check out 'The Ant & The Aarvark' cartoons for further inspiration in terms of how the pursuit of one thing by another thing can escalate to comedic effect. I don't yet get a sense from your outline that you're completely comfortable with this genre of 'slapstick' and physical comedy. In terms of production design, I suggest you look at tv animation and maybe some sci-fi retro flavourings:

    In terms of 'directing with a pencil', you're going to need bags of energy, gusto, dynamism and comedy! Enjoy yourself! :)